So This Is What An Emotional Breakdown Feels Like
I understand that some days feeling good doesn't come so easy and for me that has been the past few. We hit turbulence or the hill up ahead has turned into a mountain and your little car isn't going to hike it up there without the help of Tom Cruise in a helicopter (my point is you can't do it alone and you need some help, think what you will about Mr Blockbuster. I know he's a controversial subject but what else do you expect on this blog?).
Rarely does a wave of such intense heart pain and exhaustion hit me like it has the past couple of days and as much as it has been draining of course I see the light in it all. When the whole world feels as if it's coming crashing down (and it is crashing and burning and crashing) doing the daily do's can be so much more monumental and harder than normal. Like having a shower? I don't know what that is.
Don't beat yourself up for falling of the horse and letting your house internally and externally get messy for a while, it's good for you to step back and let it all fall to shit sometimes. You'll pick it back up again and when you breakdown the magical thing is you always, every single time, have a breakthrough. Then it is your moment and your chance to create change and let go of the toxic crap that made you breakdown in the first place! How cool is that? Just another cycle within the cycle of life.
I forget how much better doing the little daily do's make me feel and I know I'm not alone in that. Sometimes the feelings of sadness can be so strong that you kind of numb out to the rest of the world. I am the last person to say forget about them and move on, in fact the opposite but I do believe you have to do everything in your current power to feel better now and offer yourself some relief because it's far too taxing otherwise.
I have compiled a simple list of lovely acts of self care you can do to give yourself a little pick me up because you deserve it. They are just a rough outline of what I've done while this hurricane whirrs inside of me and can be changed to suit you personally.
Drink hot chocolate. Hot beverages do something to the inside of your soul and plant little rainbows everywhere. Just don't put alcohol in it as that'd be totally dismissing the point.
Explore through stories. Get transported to another world through a feel good story. I started La La Land not because I'm too hot on the movie but because the Los Angeles aesthetics are poppin' and that makes me feel good.
Sunshine. You can't really have a say in how dandy the weather is going to be but if you have the opportunity to get some sun on your bare skin, do so.
Play music. Put in your headphones or blast those tunes that even your deaf neighbour Hans is going to hear. I'm a headphones up to 100 kinda girl, means you can dance around the house with complete freedom.
Walk it out. Go for a walk even if it's 5 minutes up the street and back. When you are going through such an intense emotional patch the energy circulating your body is a mad amount so go shake some sillies out as me mum would say.
Create art. Channel your anger, frustration, pain, sadness, grief, all of it, into art of any kind. Show that cow Susan at scrapbook club who said there is no such thing as an emo scrapbook, what one really looks like or my personal favourite: makeup. A scrapbook but on your face.
Talk it out. To someone? Nah, ain't nobody safe enough to enter the nut zone at the moment but to yourself is a brilliant idea. Talking out loud can help bring the jigsaw puzzle that is this shit-storm together so you can start to make sense of it all. You look weird but isn't that just delightful!
Watch porn. I mean you could but don't. It'll just make you sadder.
Find the humour. I know how difficult it can be to laugh at yourself when your brow sits so heavy but do it just like I did this morning over the searing pain in my abdomen that was no doubt just bad gas. It can be really releasing... the laughing not the gas but that can be too.
These are just a few things I have to be mindful to do on days where I cannot be bothered to anything by lie on my bed and wonder if I eat more salt will my tears be saltier? Except for number 8, I take my own advice on that one and recommend that you do to.
You know, nothing is accidental and you have my word when I say it will be okay in the end. These feelings and seasons are real and raw but they are temporary also. Keep your power and hold onto the pure love that you really are. Being human can be hard as fuck but know also there is two sides to every coin, and it is always up to you which side you want to look at.